*CLEAR UP YOUR SKIN AND GET A GLOW: Acne is a no-no. Some of us were blessed with beautiful skin while some of us were not. Regardless of what you were given, deal with it. Getting gorgeous skin may involve one hundred different acne products that cost one than a year's tuition at U. State, but it's worth the anal obsession. A flawless face is gold in your savage college of Darwinian decay. Don't expect a phone call from the football team anytime soon if you're a pizza face. Once your skin's cleared up, be sure to spray your face orange. Er, I mean, tan.</p><p> *LAYER ON THE BLING: For accessories, keep in mind that brand names are best. The more logos and designer tags you sport, the higher your popularity rating shoots up. Sunglasses are always glam-glam, especially if they're bejeweled with rhinestones or any other girly details. Also stock up on trendy hand-bags, clutches, wallets, and coin purses which means you have one that matches every outfit perfectly. Buy jewelry that screams rich girl, even if you end up purchasing rhinestones and plastic pearls instead of real diamonds and pearls. All in all, don't think Norma Jean, think Marilyn Monroe and always buy the glitziest goodies you can find.</p><p> *PAMPER YOUR FEET: Shoes are easy. Just think cute. You can never be too tall, so slapping down a Benjamin for a pair of killer heels is a worthy investment (unless the shoes make you taller than your boyfriend, which is a HUGE mistake). For all you physics and math geeks, just look for the shoes with the steepest inclines, even if it means you're practically stepping on nothing but your toes. Equate pain with prettiness. The more painful a shoe is to wear, the prettier it must be.</p><p> Being common starts with appearances first. Substance isn't nearly as important. Just look adorable, smile at everyone, and discuss bland topics like shopping, pop music, and your favorite flavor bubblegum. Soon you'll be the most popular girl in school---unless, of course, there's someone cuter than you.
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